i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
