Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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