In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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