Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
