I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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