Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
