winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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