I feel like abortions should bother me more
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
