Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
