my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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