It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
