Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how does that bad decision feel?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
