I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just pee around me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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