some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
