At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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