No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
