Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
