I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
