Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
