I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
