All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
