After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
