We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
