I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
