I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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