Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
