I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
