I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
