I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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