He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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