Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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