I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
