weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
