At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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