i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
