I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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