I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
