my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
