Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
