You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
