I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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