Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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