Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
