Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
