I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
