We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my shit smells like andre
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
