Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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