I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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