he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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