Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
