so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
sex in a hospital.. check
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
